Ginger Pop: Potentially Useless Things A Lady Should Know How to Do

IMG_20141112_084740[1]I will begin by saying I am in no means advocating girlie things as being the apex of gender identity. If you aren’t a girlie girlie, you just aren’t and you probably aren’t reading this post anyways except maybe to get annoyed. Fine. Get annoyed. For the rest of us, there are some things that I have learned to do over time that just make me a little happier about life. Call me shallow, vapid, or ridiculous. I’m fine with that.

  1. Apply liquid liner. Who doesn’t want a fabulous Liz Taylor or Marilyn moment? I learned to do this by applying liquid liner to my seven-year-old daughter for The Nutcracker. Getting that shit straight on a squirming child gives you liner skills level ninja.
  2. Run in heels. One of the most jaw dropping moments of the entire Sex and the City series was Sarah Jessica Parker booking after her boyfriends dog in heels. The trick is to tilt forward on the balls of your feet and keep your knees bent. Harder, but doable, in platform stilettos.
  3. Get in/out of a car without panty flashing. When getting in, back in. Sit your booty on the seat, keep your knees together, and swing your legs in, swiveling on the booty. To get out reverse this process. I have actually had a guy tell me he liked watching me get into his car because it seemed so graceful. The booty swivel is key.
  4. Apply lipstick without a mirror. My co-worker makes fun of me because she thinks I have a giant Jaws poster behind my desk just to apply my lipstick in the reflective surface. That is only half true. (I like the image of giant shark behind me.) Sunglasses work too. In a pinch, dab the lipstick on your middle finger and smudge. Actually touching your lips will give you a better idea of where to apply. The middle finger will also give a lighter touch, so you can have that cool bitten effect.
  5. Cry without looking like a mess. My eyes water naturally, so even if I am not having a soap opera moment, I have to err on the side of waterproof. Dab with a tissue and if you feel like you can’t keep it together, excuse yourself. It never helps your cause to look like a train wreck.
  6. Take a compliment. Okay, so I suck at this one. Compliments make me soooo uncomfortable I can’t even stand it. I come from the school of sarcasm and deflection. And while I am sincere when I give them, I have a hard time to believing that I am getting them sincerely. This is perhaps my one to grow on. Just say “thank you” and take the damn compliment.