When a Texan says … What they mean is …

I have seen a couple of these “When _____ says _____ what they mean is _____” posts going around. There have been lists for England, Ireland, Canada and even Westeros.

On a lark I decided to try my hand at one for Texas (because it is like a whole other country y’all šŸ˜‰

 

boots

 

 

1) That’s nice = F*** you or Do you think I give a s*** when said in response to a brag or humble/brag of any kind

2) It’s a good thing he/she is pretty = they’re not smart/competent/qualified

3) 10:00 ish = the ish means anywhere from 30 minutes before to an hour later the ish has no definitive time

4) I’ll have a little bit of food (at whatever event people have been invited to) = there will be enough food for 30x the number of people attending

5) now, I’m not one to judge = i am so totally judging you right now and for things you haven’t even thought of

6) well, we could do it that way = that’s the wrong way

7)Ā Well, I don’t want to keep you = I’m going to keep you standing here talking in whatever public space we are in for an inordinately long amount of time or in the case of a phone conversation we will be on the line for at least another 30 minutes

8) It’s a little warm =

West Texas – The temperature is between 90 and 102 and there is no humidity

East Texas – The temperature is between 82 and 94 and the humidity is 113%

Central Texas – Either of the above and possibly both on consecutive days

9) I know them = You know them, your cousin knows them, you went to the same school 15 years ago, you have seen their picture in the paper, you know someone who has seen their picture in the paper

10) It’s just over there = this can cover a distance anywhere from 1 block away in a straight line to some location in the next town over

11) But you look great = if this is given in response at any time other than as a direct answer to “how do I look?” it means that everything in your life may be going to hell in a handbasket and the respondent has no idea what to say

12) Bless his/her heart = whomever is being blessed has obviously just f*****d up in a major way or is about to find out something that everyone else already knows which will f*** them up in a major way

13) fixin to = means you are about to do something, it has nothing at all to do with fixing anything

14) There’s a cold front comin = in all cases everyone will forget how to drive and stores will be cleared like it is a genuineĀ zombie apocalypse

West Texas – The temperatureĀ will be anywhere between 0 and 60, there could be snow, or ice or just some really chilly wind cold rain and it will all happen on one day sandwiched between 2 lovely 70 degree days

East Texas – The temperatureĀ will be anywhere between 20 and 60, there could be snow, or ice, or just some really cold wind

Central Texas – Either of the aboveĀ but it will probably rain/snow/ice in rotation repetitively

15) you can take it or leave it (offered as a followup to unsolicited advice) = i think you should take it, but i’m not sure you are astute enough to take it and I don’t want you to feel bad

16) Whatever trips your trigger = something that sets you off in a good way, or excites you

17) That’s alright = I’m disappointed in you/your decision/your attire but I was raised not to make a scene in public, but rest assured I will passive aggressively make you pay for many years

18) Make yourself at home = duh, make yourself at home, assuming your mama taught manners

19) To each their own = Ā i don’t get it/like it, but again, I can’t be bothered to go into it if it isn’t directly affecting me right this moment

20) Good people (as in he/she is good people) = whether I agree with them or not on whatever political/religious/social issue I think they’re a good person I’d have a drink with or let watch my kids

 

I’m sure there are loads more please feel free to add or to share ones from your neck of the woods šŸ˜‰

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