Miss Advised

By Carrie Pokrefke

I was browsing free TV show episodes on iTunes and stumbled across the show, “Miss Advised,” which is actually run on Bravo. I watched the first episode, and before I knew it, I had paid for and subscribed to the first season. Miss Advised is a reality show about three women who are all “relationship experts” in various parts of the country, as they try to date. Hence why I got hooked on episode one.

Emily Morse is in San Francisco and hosts a radio show, “Sex with Emily.” Her tag line on the show is that she, “Says yes to everything…except to monogamy.” Emily knows herself and knows that she isn’t looking for a committed relationship. I like that she is adventurous and that she really is willing to say “yes” to opportunities that come to her. As the season progresses, she comes to a place in her life where she is looking for a serious relationship. At the nudging of her co-host, she returned to therapy to discuss some of her buried feelings and to get to a place where she could be vulnerable in a romantic relationship. Her 5th grade crush from home got divorced before she went home for a visit to Michigan. He asked her out on a date while she was home and they hit it off. He eventually came out to California to see her and they went up to Napa for a get-away. I was pretty bummed for her that he turned out to be a jerk and they parted ways.

Amy Laurent is a matchmaker in New York. You know the saying, “A painter’s house is never painted?” Well, that’s Amy. Her tag line is, “Her rules work…she just can’t follow them.” Now, I am not a big fan of “the rules” and tend to agree with Emily who says, “I think the rules are for women who aren’t being their authentic selves. My only rule is to say, ‘yes.’” But, Amy has a detailed list of “rules” that she insists her clients must follow; however, she herself does quite the opposite.

Sometimes it is painful to watch Amy. Now, one of her “rules” is to not accept a date on the same day that a guy asks a girl. But, she does anyway. Lewis, a 28 year-old, called her one morning and asked her to dinner for that night to see her before going out of town the following day. He took her ice skating and she constantly digs at him for being younger than she is. She knew how old he was, so I didn’t understand why she was so mean to him about it. Afterwards, he took her to the ice rink cafe where he was hoping to split a chicken pot pie. You could see the scowl on her face as she added up in her head the calories in the chicken pot pie. She opted for a lower-calorie food. They ordered hot chocolate and when the waiter delivered it with whipped cream, she sent it back because of the extra calories that were in whipped cream.

And….she wonders why she is single?

Lewis doesn’t text Amy for one or two days, so she calls him, even though it is “against her rules” and leaves a message. Eventually he calls back and asks her out for a second date, which she hesitantly agrees to meet him. They go salsa dancing and within the first fifteen minutes of the date, she tells him that she was “really annoyed” that he didn’t text her within a day or two after the first date.

Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and say that he didn’t text her for two days after the first date. Did she forget that he was traveling? And that he was a successful entrepreneur? Traveling is tough enough, but add to that running your own business? I had to bury my head in my hands. When working people date, a new “relationship” probably isn’t at the top of their priority list, for some. Work can get stressful and a day at work can go from calm to crazy in a split second. People deal with the stresses of life differently and to take the “failure of a text” personally is just not fair. Then to blast him on the second date for not texting her within two days of the first date? I think that crosses the line.

Now, I understand people have different wants and needs in a relationship. Amy may prefer someone that is more assertive in his chase and texts or calls immediately after the first date. Ok, that’s great and I can completely respect that. Then sit back and let him act like “himself” and then decide if the person he is IS enough for her. If his behavior didn’t jive with her wants and needs so early on in the relationship, then she should’ve walked away and found someone that enjoys the chase a little more. Sure would’ve saved her some embarrassment.

He texts her for a third date at a diner, so she attempts to go for a more “casual” look by sporting jeans and a sparkly sweater He orders a burger and she reluctantly follows suit, even though she refuses to eat the bun. Lewis breaks the news to her that he doesn’t want to see her anymore and that her chastising him for not texting her was a little much. I agree.

Julia Allison is the third woman in the show and her tag line is that she “gives advice…but doesn’t take any.” I have to digress here for a moment. I don’t keep up with celebrity gossip. I knew nothing about these three people before I watched the show and, apparently, I would be considered as having “lived under a rock” by some for not knowing who Julia Allison is. I just don’t care to spend my internet time on famous people and what they are doing.

I ended up googling Julia Allison because I wanted to see some of her writings. In the show, they do talk a lot about how she is one of the most hated people on the internet. Turns out, she was voted the third most hated person on the internet and there’s even a blog dedicated to comparing her to a donkey (because donkeys are bad?) Honestly, I really liked her from the show – she’s quirky and isn’t into “mainstream” things. Her entire bedroom is pink and she has a closet full of what she calls, “tutus,” (which, they’re really petticoats, but “tutus” sound so much better!) Then when I found the site comparing her to a donkey I thought to myself, “Who wouldn’t want to be a donkey?”

As you watch the show, you can tell Julia is truly struggling with finding herself. She struggles with it because she does a lot for the purpose of “social experiments” to have something to write about and to get readers to like her. She’s pretty aggressive when it comes to guys (she jumped onto a guy on their first date so he would kiss her) and she gave me plenty of “cringe” moments, too. But, she was seeing a love coach and a happiness coach in order to work on herself so that she could find her true self. And for that, I applaud her. It takes a courageous person to look inward and to call themselves out on their own faults. By the end of the show, she was giving up the idea of making sure “the One” had all 73 points on her husband checklist.

I am by no means a relationship expert and don’t claim to be. But it seems that the best strategy is to learn who you are, identify areas that you can improve in your life, make the necessary changes and establish your self-identity with a healthy sense of confidence in the person you are. You can and should only be yourself – that is the only “rule” to adhere to while dating. I’ll save the rest of my dating advice for another post. 😉