Ginger Pop: I Started A Joke

“Stop poosting the wall with a straw!”

I said that last Sunday with an emotion akin to Henry V threatening the French. Only I was wearing a Kinks tee instead of armor and the role of the French was played by my 5-year-old daughter. Keep in mind this was less than 10 minutes after I’d finished giving her brother a bath because she had put a plate covered in leftover cobbler goo on his head. Funny? To you maybe. To me, it’s life.

Yet, when I think about some of the crazy stuff that goes on after the fact it makes me laugh. This morning, for example, my daughter complained, “Brother is hitting me with a muffin in his hand.” My gravely serious reply? “Don’t hit your sister while holding baked goods.” That’s comedy, completely unintentional comedy.

My husband and I watched Date Night with Tina Fey and Steve Carrell after we were parents. I think enjoyment of that movie rests upon parental status. Back when we didn’t know how many peas fit up a 1-year-old’s nose (six, three in each nostril) or have to make rules about not poking a border collie in the face (or booty) with a Swiffer, we might not have found it so funny. But after yelling things like, “Stop wasting googly eyes,” Tina Fey’s line about how her kids act shocked every night that they have to put on pajamas hit close to home. Thus we have entered the world of parenting comedy, where you laugh so hard (and die a little inside) because these things are ridiculously true.

Sure, these types of comedy can be funny to non-parents, but living it takes them to the next level. Take this clip from Bill Cosby Himself. I have always found it funny, but now I know the man speaks the gospel truth.

As if to prove my point, I just had to untie my daughter from the chair she tied herself to using craft ribbon. When I asked her why she’d used 22 knots to tie herself to a chair, she replied, “So I could use my powers to free myself!” After I freed her, I told her she couldn’t play with craft ribbon anymore. She wanted to know why. “Because you tied yourself to a freaking chair,” I had to keep from screaming. Brain damage!

The argument that followed was epic because, like the clip below, I just couldn’t not engage even though I knew this was a no win fight because she’s 5. My husband recently played this for me after a very long day and all I can say is I’m glad I used the bathroom before he did. (Warning: Adult language.)

So for all the parents out there, I hope these make you laugh through the tears. And try your best not to engage, even when they insist that it is your fault they are crying because you gave them a bad fortune in their fortune cookie (true story).